Lately I've been feeling a kind of low-key but persistent sense of worry and wanted to do something about it, so I decided to focus my gospel study on peace. I have the Bible Videos app on my phone, so I opened it up and watched a couple different videos before I found the one I was looking for: Peter coming to Christ on the water.
In the video "Wherefore Didst Thou Doubt?" the Savior walks to the apostles who are being tossed by the waves of a storm, saying, "Be of good cheer, it is I; be not afraid." Peter, peering from the boat to see the Savior, calls back, "Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water." The Savior gives a clear, one-word answer: "Come."
Peter then begins to walk towards the Savior. At this point I hit rewind so I could watch/hear the short conversation again, and a thought occurred to me. What's the most unthinkable thing Peter could possibly do right now? the scariest, hardest, most impossible thing? Walk on the water. Peter ignored all the laws of nature that he knew to come to the Savior. He, in essence, said, Lord—If it's really you who is coming to me, if you are really the Son of God with all power to do all things for me, let me do this thing which is impossible for me. Let me walk on the water.
As I watched the second time, Peter's words translated suddenly to What's the most unthinkable, scariest, hardest thing I could possibly give to or do for the Savior? And I thought about my worry and how hard it would be to give it up. Mortal me desires to be in control of everything and know exactly what's going to happen, and this same desire creates worry that things won't go "just right." But, guess what: I'm not in complete control. I do not hold ultimate power over any aspect of my life except my choice to be obedient to God's commandments, keep the covenants I've made with Him, and be as Christlike as I can to those around me. I am not in control of exactly which job I land, what things happens to my friends and family, the condition of my health, the choices of others, etc. etc. etc...ultimately, Heavenly Father is in charge, and the only thing I have complete control over is my will and how I choose to live my life, choice by choice, every day.
The Savior bids Peter to Come without any hesitation. He says I know this is impossible for you, but it is not for me. I have bid you to come to me. I have bid you to give up your worry, your anxiety, your self-doubt, your frustration, your laziness, your justification, your unrighteous judgment, your apathy, etc. etc. etc...And I want you to Come To Me. And I believe that if we will simply identify that thing that we don't think we can give up, and take it to the Savior who is coming to us on our stormy seas, whether our seas have ripples or whitecaps, He will take that burden and enable us to Come to Him. We will be able to walk on the water, to defy the feelings of despair and defeat that say "I can't do this, it's not possible, it's too hard, I'll never make it," and we will be freed, uplifted, enlightened, and made whole.
As I came to this realization, I felt better. I realized that I am in charge of only myself, and there is a great deal of peace to be found in knowing that as long as I am keeping my covenants, I can have the peace of the Savior, regardless of anything else in my life. More than that, I need to learn to better appreciate and listen to His peace, so that regardless of how anything else is going, I can be at peace. I am still working on it, and I hope the visualization of Peter calling out to the Savior stays in my mind for a long while, constantly reminding me to give up the conditions of mortality and Come to the Savior.
